A very unusual topic on today’s blog. Verbal abuse.What is it? It is attacking or negatively defining another person using words. Even using silence—as a weapon. It can take a variety of forms ranging from loud rants to passive-aggressive remarks. It’s somehow common to emotional abuse. Wherein it involves a regular pattern of constant criticism, threatening, mistreatment, and , as well as more indirect maneuvers like intimidating another person, manipulating their minds, and or shaming them (verbally) privately or publicly. Verbal abuse is used to govern and dominate the other person.
Common practices of verbal abuse may contain purposely worsening to share views and feelings, suppression of information, countering the victim’s memories, beliefs and feelings; blaming the victim for things that are outside his or her control; calling the victim names or using hurtful and defining labels such as liar, child, and opportunist. Basically it leaves the victim confused and in a lot of pain.
Identifying The Verbal Abuser
A verbal abuser will define your reality. The abuser decides what you can or cannot do. They will treat you as an (in their own eyes) ugly part of themselves. A part that they have to demoralize in order to keep up their own sense of self. Get it?
“Cruel words can do worse than break bones: They can break your spirit, cripple your confidence, even make you physically ill.” – Patricia Evans, The Verbally Abusive Relationship
Other things that a verbal abuser do are: accusing and blaming. Blocking certain topics in a conversation or diverting into a different topic. Chronic forgetting (it may be special occasions or conversations). The most popular one: Profanity. The abuser can curse someone to their eternal damnation. Name-calling, threatening, belittling, criticism. This kind of abuse should not be tolerated. It can break someone’s heart or even their soul.
Another reality check is verbal abusers are irrational. If you ask a verbal abuser for a reason or trying to reason with them is just pointless. This kind of person have no good reasons for behaving the way they do. Instead, they will respond with more abuse. The abuser may let you reason out. But the reality is you cannot really reason out to a verbal abuser.
Being The Victim Of Verbal Abuse
The truth is most of the time the victim of a verbal abuse doesn’t really know that they’re victim of such behavior. Victims of verbal abuse doesn’t yet fully grasp the idea of verbal abuse because he or she thinks that the abuser’s maltreatment must have a rational explanation. Leaving the victim confused and he or she keeps looking for that rational explanation. The victim thinks that there’s definitely something about his or her behavior made it the case that they justified to be treated badly.
The victim will continue to look for the abuser’s reasons or try to reason out himself or herself. But it will be pointless because the abuser will respond with more abuse. Leaving the victim emotionally, mentally or sometimes lead to physical damage.
Effectively Ending Verbal Abuse
Remember, verbal abuse is unjustifiable. If a person feels unfairly treated or humiliated, a person should not never resort to verbal abuse. Rather, attempt to resolve the conflict calmly. Describe how the other person’s behavior made him or her feel. The most instinctive way to respond to a verbal abuser is to attempt to reason. Reason on as to why you’re being treated that way. But then again. You cannot really reason with a verbal abuser.
Just sharing that I’ve been a victim of such abuse. Since verbal abuse often occurs within the limits of friendships, relationships, and parent-child relationships. Also, it can occur between colleagues, distant relatives, acquaintances and even strangers. Perhaps while reading this you might be thinking that for some instance or (currently) you have been a victim of verbal abuse. As for me, hateful words can be really stressful and heart wrenching. It can even brainwash you. It can even make you feel worthless and confused. We have to keep in mind that the abuse has nothing (at all) to do with you or your actions or qualities as a person.
Save yourself. When you are hurt and try to talk with the abuser and the issues never get resolved. The abuser will usually refuse to discuss your feelings by saying “You’re just trying to start an argument!” This is a claim that he/she has no idea what you’re talking about. While you end up feeling frustrated because you can’t get him to understand or emphatize with you.
An effective way to end this verbal abuse is to call out the verbal abuser each time they attack. Tell him or her how you are feeling every time they do that. Calmly ask the abuser to stop. DO NOT defend yourself. Again “You cannot really reason with a verbal abuser.” Instead, start settings limits.
Removing yourself from the situation
Some abusers will acquire to amend their behavior through repeated approach of calling them out; unfortunately, others will not. If you are stuck on a verbally abusive relationship from boyfriend/ girlfriend, family member, friend, or colleague. It may be essential to temporarily end your relationship with them. But not with the hopes of them changing their behavior for you. You cannot compulsory change a person. But the duration of time that you don’t have any means of communication with this person might make him or her realize what kind of person he or she is. Another option is to permanently end the relationship with this person.
Ending the relationship or any type of connection with your abuser is never an easy thing to do. If you are not ready yet, then try to limit the connection. It’s still your call to end it or not. Also, it’s not too late to ask for help from a friend or family member that you trust. It also depends on the extent of damage that this person has caused you, if you think it’s too much and it affects your activities of daily living. Seek for professional help.
I hope you like this entry today. Let me know what you think on the comments below, you can also contact me here, and let me know what other stuff you would like to read on my blog. Thanks for reading! 😉